If Men Were in Charge of Weddings

1. There would be a "Rehearsal Kegger" rather than a "Rehearsal Dinner."

2. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jeans cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines.

3. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.

4. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.

5. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others" part.

6. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar muscle car with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!

7. Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.

8. Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man."

9. There would be "Tailgate Receptions."

10. Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings.

11. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. (Those strippers and all that alcohol sure add up!!!)

12. Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.

13. Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.

14. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.

15. The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral or something.

16. Invitations would read as follows:
Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the ol' ball and chain. He's getting married. He either:

A) couldn't get a different roommate; or
B) caved in to her ultimatum.

Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at the stadium On the 50 Yard Line at half-time during Sunday's Game. Please join us at the Clubhouse after the game for beer, nachos and pizza. Oh yeah, BYOB.