T-shirts

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

Do I look like a freaking people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

You! Off my planet!

Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

Bottomless pit of needs and wants.

I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!

I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

And just how may I screw you over today?

And your cry baby whiny-assed opinion would be?

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for years.

If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil.

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

Better living through denial.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Back off! You're standing in my aura.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

Adults are just kids who owe money.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

I work hours a week to be this poor.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #3?

Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Too may freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.

Earth is full. Go home.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

I plead contemporary insanity.

I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Meandering to a different drummer.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.