Things No Woman Will Ever Hear

Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.

Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.

Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it's one thing I hate, it's skinny women.

What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.

What a break, I won a prize on the radio station....tickets to either the Super Bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!

Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it's freshly mowed.

Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football games. Let's go furniture shopping.

Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.

You know, I think I'd really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.

If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.

You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.

Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care of the cooking and housework.

I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude.

No I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.

I am just too tired to have sex again today!

Sometimes I just want to be held.

That chick on "20/20" gives me a woody.

Sure! I'd love to wear a condom.

We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.

Screw Monday Night Football, let's watch "Ally McBeal".

It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.

Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?

I know we just had sex but I need a kiss.

I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.

Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.

I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed?. Maybe I should tell her.

No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.

Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't look at them anymore.

I understand you sweetheart.

This movie has way too much nudity.

Damn, we're late for church!

Are you losing weight, sweetie?

Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.

Put some panties on for Christ's sake.

Eat something!! You're starting to look like a Victoria's Secret Model!

Don't pick that up, I got it.

Happy Anniversary!!!

Hey, isn't today your mothers birthday?

Let's talk, I miss talking.