Signs That You Are an Alcoholic

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Job is interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the long-lost 5th food group.

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot mysteriously moved while you were in the bar.

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

You wake up in the bedroom, your clothes are in the bathroom and your underwear is in the car.

The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.

Roseanne looks good.