Computer Terms of the Uninitiated

BACKUP - What you do if you run across a skunk in the woods

BARCODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern

BUG - The reason you give for callin' in sick

BYTE - What your pitbull dun to cusin Jethro

CACHE - Needed when you run outta food stamps

CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in

TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker

CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited

DIGITAL - The art of countin' on yur fingers

DISKETTE - Female disco dancer

FAX - What you lie about to the IRS

HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 35 years of smoking

HARDCOPY - Picture looked at while selecting tatoos

INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair

KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere

MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food

MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers

MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall

MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live

NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line

ONLINE- Where to stay when taking the sobriety test

ROM - Where the Pope lives

SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch

SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast

SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrack's employee of the year

SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear